Every marriage has its ups and downs.
Living in a committed, long term relationship will require compromise and forgiveness and hard conversations until death do you part. But if the situation feels hopeless, and you find yourself wondering whether or not you can save your marriage, there are some things you can do to step in the direction of reconciliation.
First, get on the same page about working on your problems.
This is easier said than done, but the first step to repairing a broken relationship is to decide to fix it together. This is not the time to rehash your top fights, but rather to acknowledge that it may be time for outside help.
You’re not the only ones struggling to navigate through conflict in a healthy way. According to our data:
only 27.8% of couples with kids feel that they both take responsibility for their part in the conflict, and
only 16.8% are satisfied with the way they deal with conflict overall.
While you probably won’t change overnight, agreeing that you could both do better is a great place to start.
Need help talking through this with your partner? Here’s an article to walk you through this tough conversation.
Then, find help you trust.
How? Below are four considerations to make while working to save your marriage:
Ask trusted friends for recommendations for marriage therapists in the area.
If you go the traditional counseling route, search specifically for therapists who are trained in couples or marriage therapy.
“Take advantage of the fact that most therapists will speak to you on the phone or by email before you make an in-person appointment,” says marriage therapist and researcher Liz Colizza. “Ask if they use approaches like Gottman couples therapy or Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT).”
Decide who you will approach, and make an appointment.
But remember, whether this is a spiritual leader, a licensed therapist, or a group counseling opportunity, it’s important that you decide on a person or environment most conducive to vulnerability.
In order to receive maximum benefit from outside advice, you must feel safe to share your hopes and concerns. Building rapport can be difficult, especially when you’re in a time of crisis, but taking the time to find the right person or group is essential.
If the barriers of cost or time make traditional therapy tough to access, Lasting can provide excellent therapy tools at an affordable cost.
The nation’s leading marriage counseling app offers data-based content and therapist-approved exercises to strengthen your bond. Series on Conflict, Sex, Money, Expectations, In-Laws, and more will walk you through the best ways to get healthy in each area and ideally help you save your marriage.
You can set daily reminders to be intentional with your partner, and our app also offers a pairing feature, so you can both can view each other’s responses to certain prompts. Amazingly, 94% of couples who use Lasting together report new relationship strengths.
Just like with a diet or an exercise plan, you are significantly more likely to achieve your goals if you have an accountability partner. Tell a trusted friend or family member about your journey to save your marriage, and ask them to offer support and encouragement.
So if you’re just starting the journey to counseling, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, take our free marriage health quiz to see what areas you can start working on, and then subscribe to Lasting’s program that will get you going with research-backed content and activities.
There’s nothing to lose—only a whole lot to gain. At Lasting, our mission is to help you love better, and we’d love to be a part of your story.