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How to Bring Up Marriage Counseling with Your Partner

Tips from the Lasting team about how to invite your partner to do marriage counseling

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Want marriage counseling, but not sure how to invite your partner? You're in the right place. 

The four main reasons why people hesitate to invite their partner to do marriage counseling are:

  1. It makes underlying relationship issues more real

  2. You’re forced to take responsibility for your side

  3. You haven’t expressed concerns to your partner yet

  4. You think your partner won’t want to, so why try

Do any of these describe you or your partner? If so, read on below.

Inviting your partner soon and need some tips? Listen to our scientifically-validated conversation prep session.

You got this.

To keep reading, scroll on…

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94% of couples that do Lasting together report new relationship strengths.

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First off, all couples have issues.

But the above issues can all be overcome with a little reflection, preparation, and conversation. In fact, 94% of couples who invite their partners to Lasting and complete their main focus areas together report new relationship strengths.

Let’s prepare you with four quick reflections to address the above four issues:

  1. Are you hesitant to invite your partner to Lasting because it’ll make the issues in your relationship more real?

    If so, consider this: on average, most couples don’t do therapy for 6 years after noticing a problem. And by then, it’s oftentimes too late to save the marriage.

    It’s a human tendency to fix something only when it breaks. But that’s an incorrect framing of marriage. Relationships require consistent, small efforts, not a single, large effort. That’s how we designed Lasting.

    Reflection: Visualize what you want your marriage to look like in 6 years. What do you see? What changed? Can you take one tiny step right now by inviting your partner?

  2. Does taking responsibility for your side of the issue make you anxious?

    If so, remember that research shows that taking responsibility for your own actions makes your partner far more likely to take responsibility, too. And it’s one of the key factors in forgiveness.

    Keep in mind that we built Lasting to help both of you take responsibility for your relationship.

    Reflection: What would happen if you told your partner you were sorry for something? How would they react? Do you think they’d be more likely to discuss the topic with you and work towards a solution? What if you said that Lasting is the easiest way to get on the same page?

  3. Are you hesitant to bring up Lasting because you haven’t told your partner about your feelings yet?

    That’s totally understandable.

    Every couple goes through good seasons and bad seasons and struggles to have vulnerable conversations at first. Sometimes, you just need the right reason or the right tool to begin talking through your thoughts and feelings.

    Keep in mind that Lasting was designed to be an unbiased relationship facilitator (a digital therapist). Lasting can help you express relationship issues to your partner for the very first time or for the 50th time, but in a gentler way.

    Reflection: What if you simply asked your partner to set aside 5 minutes to take the Lasting marriage health assessment? What if you told your partner that they’d gain greater clarity (as you have) about the relationship? And what if you told them it’d mean the world to you if they did that?

  4. Do you think your partner won’t want to try Lasting, so why even bother asking?

    That’s a tough one, but for the moment, give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

    It’s very common for one partner to think that the other will react negatively when they ask them to join Lasting. But when our users build up the courage to ask, they’re often surprised by their partner’s willingness to join.

    It’s a universal human longing to connect deeply with another. Expressing your feelings to your partner—gently, lovingly, and reassuringly—could be the prompt your partner needs to share back.

    Reflection: How would your partner respond if you gently, with all the love in the world, told them how much you’d love to work on your relationship together? What if you told them that it only took 5 minutes a day?

    Lastly, have you already asked your partner, but they said no?

    We hear this a lot, too, and it hurts. If this is you, then we’d ask you to do some homework. Write out why you’d like to do Lasting (for yourself), and then initiate a discussion (very lovingly) with your partner. This sounds something like:

    • “Honey, I love you. And I love us. But lately, I’ve been feeling (X), and I’m in need of more (Y). I think Lasting could help us reach this together. What do you think?”

    • While you’re at it, ask your partner what they’d like more of in the relationship, too. Maybe they’re yearning for something more, and you’re just not aware of it. This is very common. Regardless of what they say, prepare yourself to welcome it, and try as hard as you can not to be defensive. This is the process of vulnerability beginning.

And if you’ve tried this and still nothing works, we’ve written this for you. We’re here for you and your relationship.

See you soon.