More than twenty-two thousand people search this term online every month. And the truth is, every relationship has its ups and downs, so it’s normal to question whether or not yours is healthy. But how do you know it’s time to seek professional help? Here are some signs it might be time for relationship counseling.
1. You aren’t one hundred percent sure your partner will always be there for you.
Yes, they may be supportive when things are going well, but when life gets tough, you feel they become less emotionally available. Sadly, 62.6% of men and 71.7% of women feel that their partner does not respond well to their emotional signals, according to our data. If this is the case for you, it’s probably time to seek help.
2. Your partner doesn’t easily accept your influence.
In other words, it’s their way or the highway. Research shows that partnerships in which one partner, namely a husband, is able to accept influence from the other, are much more likely to succeed long term. In healthy relationships, one partner should be able to influence the other positively, as this will affect decision-making, expectations, and goal-setting.
Keep in mind that if this is one-sided, one partner will start to feel used. If the feeling is mutual, it’s a healthy sign. So if you’re concerned that you or your partner is not able to accept influence, it’s a good time to consider counseling.
3. One of you feels unheard.
This can be a common relationship concern, and to varying degrees, we all have to work through times when we don’t feel as heard as we’d like, but if your partner, as a rule, does not respond to your emotional calls—those little signals you put up to voice your need—it’s probably time for outside advice.
Research shows that partners in happy marriages engage with 86% of each others emotional calls, while those couples most likely headed for divorce respond to only 33%.
4. You love the person your partner could be more than the person they are.
Haven’t we all done this? Consider how you approach your partner’s flaws. Do you focus more on fixing them than on appreciating their strengths? Counseling may help both of you set better expectations going forward.
This is where Lasting comes in. Our leading relationship counseling app has one mission—to help you love better (because being in love is more fun than being stuck!).
Simply download the Lasting app and subscribe to unlock your entire research-backed couples counseling program, which consists of assessments, exercises and audios. If you feel your relationship needs to be repaired, we recommend the following series: Repair, followed by Forgiveness, then Conflict and Communication. If things are okay, but some of these four areas can be improved, we recommend starting with the Emotional Connection series.
With the help of our research-backed insights and practical exercises, you and your partner can work through hard conversations and become the couple you’ve always wanted to be. You can even pair your app, so you can see each other’s responses and work through series together. Getting your relationship healthy has never been easier. Download the app and get started today.
If you decide to seek in-person therapy, we highly recommend Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is evidence-based couples therapy that typically consists of 8 to 20 hour-long couple’s therapy sessions, at $100 to $250 per session. EFT is effective because it deals directly with your underlying attachment injuries.